With Your Shadow

What are you doing there, Fan? Are you studying? Or maybe you're remembering your girl in other city, huh? Maybe so. Obviously you're not thinking about me. What for you are thinking of a girl who wasn’t beautiful at all like I was?
Akh, Fan! Maybe I'm a sentimental person. I do not know! Why until now I can not forget you, I will not know! Why I can not forget your innocent face? Why does your voice full of authority always ring in my ears? Why your athletic figure always dancing in my eyes welling? Why?
I'm stupid, you would not answer silly questions like that. I myself just did not know the answers, especially because you did not understand the real problem was. Who I am, maybe you've forgotten. Not like me, I'd never forget you.
Actually, I've been half dead trying to remove your name at the bottom of my heart, but could not. Really! Everything in our school always reminded me of you, how I would be able to forget you? Honestly, I was always surrounded by shadows of your amazing figure.
When I was in the field, I remind of your kelincahan when you was chasing the ball. When my eyes on your class, the shadow of yours in my eyes when you're standing in the doorway, watching the kids playing basketball. Especially when I saw Aji who change you as the Chairman of OSIS, I always remembered you, all his behavior and actions reminded me of you. Not because of anything, because his behavior was like a made-up. He seemed pretentious now. Show-Off, goody-goody, get smart, and cocky everything. He seemed to mimic you. Almost all school events, he was handling. He wanted to show himself. Your activity was only natural, but Aji’s was excessive.
That's why, when I saw him, I remember you. When I saw his behavior was a bit pretentious, my heart always whispers, "You were not so."
For some reason, until now I have never found an interesting guy just like you. To me, you were the only guy who fits with my attitude. All behavior and your character were none contrary to my heart. In my eyes you were no blemish.
Was I wrong, Fan? Am I wrong if I could not forget you until now, forget all the charm, charismatic, symphatic smile, and all that were in you? Was I wrong to always miss you? While you were there and not here anymore.
I wanted to forget about you, but could not. Do I have to leave this school in order to escape from your shadow? Is not that coward? Moreover, I did not want to leave my good buddies.
Let, Fan! Let me stay here with your shadow!
Sayonara, Fan! Learn diligently. Here, my prayers are always said for you. May you always succeed and always cheerful with your ‘goddess’! When dawn began to creep westward, hear my prayer to be sent by wid of night. Sayonara! ***

This is the first of my writing which had published in Hai Magazine No. 26 June 28-July 4, 1988 in Rubric of 'Surat Sahabat' (Companion Letter. I got Rp20.000,- for fee of this writing. It was much enough money at that time, bacause I could treat my best friends having lunch and watching movie, also I could buy a shirt. I felt so rich and happy.

BLANK TICKET

by : Lis Maulina

“ATTENTION, please! Mister Kardi --- informal employee of Public Hospital of Doctor Muchsin has been expected in Administration Office!” The paging call reverberated in every public area of this hospital. Kardi, who was drying sheet in the lines stopped his activity, set his hearing. “One again, Mister Kardi --- informal employee of Public Hospital of Doctor Muchsin has been expected in Administration Office!”

Being sure the call was for him, Kardi left three buckets of washing sheet. Quickly, he walked to administration office, wanted to know what happened.

“Was I called?” He asked to a young pretty girl, Rita, the staff who announced his name by paging call.

“Miss Sari needs you!” Rita pointed toward the director’s room.

Kardi nodded. Miss Sari was the secretary of the director.

He knocked the door of the room. After hearing of permission, he came. Miss Sari was sitting in her desk. Beside her, there was a door which connecting to director’s room.

“Madam, do you call me?”

“Oh, yes, Mr Kardi. Please, take the flight ticket for director and me in this travel office.” Miss Sari gave some money in an envelope and a name card. “Don’t forget to ask the blank tickets!”

Kardi was startled. “The blank tickets?”

“Yeah, blank ticket --- flight ticket which has not be written.”

Kardi was not so stupid. Actually, he understood what she meant. He know, the official who has duty to go to other region always asked blank ticket as well as well formal ticket. They bought cheap ticket formally, and then contained the blank ticket with more expensive price. In order that they could get change of traveling cost more. Udin, another informal employee of Public Hospital of Doctor Muchsin told him about that. Usually, Udin was asked for this job. But today, he was absent because his child got a cold, so Kardi should change his role.

“Have you reserved all? I mean, I can’t…”

“Don’t worry, I have. The owner was my cousin. He understood what I want. You just take all the tickets and pay. Okay? By the way, the money was 800.000 rupiah.” Miss Sari smiled.

***

ONCE again, Kardi check the name card in his hand. The building of this office was not like what he imagined before. He thought he would come to a big and magnificent office which located in elite area. In fact, it was just a very small and simple office, placed in bus terminal. It was just a small wooden building among other chaotic buildings.

Being sure he came to the right travel bureau, he entered the front door. There was no uniform employee with formal welcome as he thought before. There were a man and a woman--- seemed a husband and his wife of the owner of this travel agent--- wearing informal cloth. Everything here was not arranged or organized professionally.

“Good afternoon.” Kardi nodded politely to a man who served a customer. “I was asked to take the ticket by Miss Sari, from Public Hospital of Doctor Muchsin.”

“Okay, have a sit, please!”

Kardi sat beside the other customer who bought many ship tickets. Seemingly, this bureau sold any ticket of transportation; plane, ship, and also bus.

“The tickets have been ready, Sir, also the blanks!” said the man while giving an envelope which contained some tickets. “They cost written in front of the envelope.

Kardi took some pieces of 50.000 rupiah from envelope which given by Miss Sari. At the same times, the customer beside him paid and the owner counted the money. Kardi was not sure the price and took a look at the ticket envelope once more time. Then he took out all of money in his envelope. He counted, but they were only 700.000 rupiah. He remembered, Miss Sari said the money was 800.000 rupiah.

“The money was less than 800.000 rupiah!” He burst out.

All people in that room looked at Kardi’s pale face.

“Are you sure? Probably, you counted incorrectly.” The owner said.

“No. I have counted for several times. Miss Sari said the money was 800.000 rupiah, but in fact it just was 700.000 rupiah.”

“Ask her once again. Maybe, she said 700.000 rupiah, but you heard 800.000 rupiah.” The customer beside him suggested.

Kardi shook his head hesitatingly. “Probably, two pieces of my 50.000 rupiah associated with your money.

“Of course not!” The man burst out. “The money was mine, this man paid me for his bus tickets.”

“Why don’t you check it once again?” asked his wife.

“I’m sure about that.”

“Okay. Will telephoned Miss Sari to ask her once again!”

Kardi went out to find a public telephone. He rang his office although he has known the answer. As he remembered, he took out two pieces of 50.000 rupiah when the owner counted his money. At glance he saw the man took two pieces of money and mixed them to his money. But how can he proved it?

Kardi just took a deep breath when Miss Sari answered the same with his guess. He decided to change the money with some of his salary which has been given. He thought, God warned him, because he helped deceit by blank ticket. No matter how much, the corruption is a sin. He should not to help them to corrupt by bringing blank ticket.

Please, forgive me, God! He whispered several times.

Banjarmasin , 24 Maret 2007